An “Extremely Impaired” Driver
News stories of drunk drivers parking their vehicles inside private residential living rooms are far too common. But I’ve never heard of one “extremely impaired” driver crashing multiple cars into the same house in one night. That is master class levels of impaired stupidity. I wrote out this news piece as a narrative story to keep thinks interesting, but you can read the actual news story here.
The Story
Late 2 am on an unseasonably cold night in Marin County, California. A yellow Ford Mustang speeds through the streets. Live rear axle dances across the lanes as the driver’s muscle memory begins to fatigue. Murphy’s Law strikes as the Mustang swerves leaving traction behind. The driver loses control and crashes through a fence of a private residence with both feet on the brakes.
The driver is shaken from the experience; too numb to registrar the pain from the airbag to his face. Panic fueled adrenaline takes over as the sound of imaginary jail cell doors slamming echoes in his ears. Right foot slams the throttle up against the firewall in an attempt to escape. To the driver’s delayed surprise the Mustang launches forward through the fence and into the property realize that he never shifted into reverse.
An explosion of glass, metal, and drywall sends a homeowner jumping out of bed. Dressed in pajamas the homeowner hurries out of the bedroom only to turn the corner and discover of a yellow Ford Mustang parked inside his home. Dust rushing through the beams of the car’s headlights as pieces of glass dangle before falling on top of the car.
A dazed and visibly intoxicated driver tries to flee the scene in a car that has given up. The homeowner reaches for the driver and takes away the keys. Emotions flood, but the mind continues to thread water and he turns towards the nearest phone to contact the authorities.
The impaired driver in a primal state of mind has engages his flight response looking for a new escape. He stumbles out of the car sized hole he created, nearly falling on to his face tripping over a lose drywall. To his left he spots the homeowner’s silver Toyota RAV4 and the keys are inside. No time to lose, the driver scrambles inside the interior.
Lighting strikes twice when he yanks the gear level down to hard and hits the gas. The Toyota responds without hesitation and charges forwards. The homeowner jumps nearly dropping his phone at the sound of a second explosion. He runs back to see his own car taking up squatter’s rights next to the yellow Mustang. The driver refuses to give up while fumbling at the controls in front of him.
The home owner reacts by reaching for the driver side door to grab the keys in a frustrating déjà vu. The driver reacts to the homeowner’s invasion of personal space with fists of fury and strikes the homeowner repeatedly in the face. The home owner retreats, with car keys in hand, just as the darkness of night is cut by red and blue lights from the California Highway Patrol.
The CHP troopers arrive through the hole in the fence and see the two sets of taillights peeking out of a crudely made two car garage. A driver sitting inside a silver Toyota desperately trying to flee, confused as to why the vehicle is not responding to his commands. An enraged homeowner waves them over sporting wearing red that has started to drip down his face.
The homeowner’s facial wounds are treated at the scene by EMT’s while the arrested driver is taken to the hospital to confirm what everyone suspects. As the chaos begins to calm the police begin their report. Pens scribble on colored forms: DUI involving drugs, felony battery, and theft of a vehicle.
Jesus Behind the Wheel 