Tesla Roadster is the Perfect Stunt Car

The Tesla Roadster is Not a Flying Car

Now that the news, memes, and AI posts have made their rounds on the internet. It’s time we all come back down to Earth. The unveiling of the Tesla Roadster was a cool stunt. We got to see a “car” drive up a wall, do barrel rolls in the air, and jump (not fly) over a line of parked cars. What we saw was a stunt show. The only innovation being that the car survived all the stunts in one piece. That’s a new one! Stunt cars are usually a one-time-ride.

Let’s get down to the grit. The Tesla Roadster is not a flying car. It did not take off down a runaway and land in a new destination. It didn’t hover in the air for a noteworthy amount of time. However, it fall with style and achieved a Super Mario double-jump.

We are already in the future, and we still need roads.

But was it a good show? Yes. Obviously. That’s kinda what Tesla is known for when it comes to debuting new models. They put on a good show, promise the world for only a small $50,000 deposit, and the internet goes on a rampage with free publicity. Remember the Cyber Truck? Remember how that was supposed to be a bullet proof, unstoppable, F-150 defeating beast on wheels? Where is it now? Depreciating in value faster than sour milk and being mistaken for a dumpster by raccoons.

Nothing I saw from the Tesla Roadster debut made me think it will be ready, with rockets, for deliveries in 2028. Nor do I believe your average Class C license clout chaser with too much money will be able to drive this car up the wall of their luxury apartment building. Or “kick flip” over a row of vintage Porsche and Mercedes-Benz collector cars at Peddle Beach.

Furthermore, unless Musk pays his engineers to invent a tire that can mock the laws of physics, there’s no way the Tesla Roadster will achieve the proclaimed “half Mach” top speed of 380 mph. To put that in perspective, top fuel dragsters go full-send trying to come close 340 mph and they don’t even have a funk.

I Want To See the Tesla Roadster Do More Stunts

What I took away from the Tesla Roadster debut was a missed opportunity. What Tesla built, unintentionally, was the perfect stunt car.

It can jump, roll, and stick to the road at increasingly steep angles. All of these are qualities that stunt performers and coordinators dream of when it comes to planning car stunts. Imagine how many 1968-1970 Dodge Chargers could have been saved if the production team from The Dukes of Hazzard had cold gas thrusters to gently land the General Lee after an epic jump.

Imagine if Ken Carter had this kind of technology when he was planning his mile long jump in a rocket car. Hell, think how far Evel Knievel could have jumped if his bike could ride the walls of a Las Vegas casino. See where I’m getting at?

I want to see the Tesla Roadster jump more stuff! How far can it actually jump? Can it jump the length of a Space X rocket? Can it drive up the Chrysler building? Can it kick flip through a ring of fire? If we have 10 Tesla Roadsters, can they play a game of real-life Rocket League? Let’s see it!

If you’re gonna put on a show, you better plan for an encore.